Yeah. It really did. For the first couple weeks of the year, I was sick. Then I broke my toe. Broke my toe! Then my laptop battery and adapter both died at the same time, leaving me computer-less for over a week. And my mom saw a surgeon who informed her that her tumor, though thankfully benign, was worse than they thought. And a myriad of other smaller things filled in the spaces to make January a month long suckfest. I haven't been drawing cards. But I wanted to tonight, to mark the end of the month. I am soooooo ready for February. (Yes, I know it's just another day, but I like fooling myself with the feeling of a brand new start with the new month.)
I dug around in a drawer full of decks and came out with the Shadowscapes Tarot. Though I never read with it because the details are too small for me to see them comfortably, I was drawn to the fairy tale feel to it tonight. It made me think of dreams coming true and things magically getting better.
The Fool represents my wholehearted readiness to start over. To put January behind me and welcome February with open arms.
The Five of Cups strangely does depict how I have been feeling throughout the month. If I were to think of a card, I would have said Ten of Swords, because it's just felt like overkill. But this card more accurately describes how it's really felt to me. The fairies have been teasing me and pulling my hair, and all along, I've had this calmness about me. I haven't overreacted to any of the bad news this month. I haven't gotten emotional or felt sorry for myself. When I state all the things that hit the fan, I say them more factually than emotionally. I have almost been more like a removed, curious observer at all that has gone wrong. It's been like watching a story unfold, marveling at it all. Aware of the things that are falling apart, but not utterly consumed by despair.
Strength shows, I guess, my... strength. How I have not let the negativity take hold of me. How I have, through it all, assumed that things will only get better. How I have told myself that rarely is something as big a deal as it seems at the time. How everything that has happened has shown me that I can endure a lot. That I am stronger than I usually give myself credit for.
Still... gonna be really happy to flip the calendar page tomorrow morning!
Deck: Shadowscapes Tarot (by Stephanie Pui-Mun Law, published by Llewellyn)
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