This was yesterday's draw. It shows my lack of sentimentality for my biodad. He was an absent father in my youth, and I went twenty years without hearing from him. We met up again a few years ago when I moved to Florida. Now that I am preparing to leave Florida, the cards are reflecting my thoughts on the subject.
I had thought that reuniting with my dad would bring us close. It hasn't. We don't talk about anything except sports or his reptile collection. I am not exaggerating when I say these are literally the only two things we talk about. We never once discussed why he didn't care to keep in contact with me while I was growing up, nor has he ever asked me a single question about the years he missed in my life. Not one question about my life.
So when we leave, I doubt I will see him again. I don't believe either of us will make any effort to travel to the other. The Queen of Cups is me. I have my back to both my dad (in the Ten of Pentacles) and the disappointment in the Five of Cups. I'm over it. I'm over what I think he should have meant to me. And it doesn't make me sad that we're not close, because we are so different. I know now that I was incredibly lucky to have him missing from my life growing up.
If anything, the Five of Cups shows my disappointment that I won't be sad leaving him. I wish I could have had a caring, loving, supportive father. But my biodad just doesn't fit the bill. That particular reality was just not my lot in life. And that's okay. It's more than okay.
The rune that I drew was Jera. The keyword for this rune is year. It's interesting because the day before this reading, I drew the rune meaning "day". There's a lot of timing symbolism coming up for me this week. Jera indicates harvest, or something coming full circle. I do feel a definite sense of closure that I was able to get to know what my dad was like, rather than never having known. I can now release the curiosity and regret and heartache that I experienced as a kid. That part of my life no longer has loose ends. It's time to move on now. I've been in close contact with him for two years now, as of this month. Jera says this relationship has come full circle, which it has.
The Ten of Pentacles shows my father alone, with his animals, while me and my kids are behind him... soon to be a thing of the past. The card has a sadness to it. The man seems lonely, covering it up with his affection for his dogs. My mom has commented on how sad it is that my biodad has not taken advantage of his proximity to me and the kids, to get to know us more, and spend quality time with us. She lives so far away from us, and loves us so dearly, that she wishes she had the opportunity that he has wasted. She can't understand his indifference and thinks it a shame.
I assume we will still keep in touch after we move. I'm not planning to sever him from our lives intentionally. I am just acutely aware of how it will become nothing more than superficial birthday cards and the occasional email once we're gone. C'est la vie. It makes me that much more grateful for the loving family members I am lucky to have in my life.
I had thought that reuniting with my dad would bring us close. It hasn't. We don't talk about anything except sports or his reptile collection. I am not exaggerating when I say these are literally the only two things we talk about. We never once discussed why he didn't care to keep in contact with me while I was growing up, nor has he ever asked me a single question about the years he missed in my life. Not one question about my life.
So when we leave, I doubt I will see him again. I don't believe either of us will make any effort to travel to the other. The Queen of Cups is me. I have my back to both my dad (in the Ten of Pentacles) and the disappointment in the Five of Cups. I'm over it. I'm over what I think he should have meant to me. And it doesn't make me sad that we're not close, because we are so different. I know now that I was incredibly lucky to have him missing from my life growing up.
If anything, the Five of Cups shows my disappointment that I won't be sad leaving him. I wish I could have had a caring, loving, supportive father. But my biodad just doesn't fit the bill. That particular reality was just not my lot in life. And that's okay. It's more than okay.
The rune that I drew was Jera. The keyword for this rune is year. It's interesting because the day before this reading, I drew the rune meaning "day". There's a lot of timing symbolism coming up for me this week. Jera indicates harvest, or something coming full circle. I do feel a definite sense of closure that I was able to get to know what my dad was like, rather than never having known. I can now release the curiosity and regret and heartache that I experienced as a kid. That part of my life no longer has loose ends. It's time to move on now. I've been in close contact with him for two years now, as of this month. Jera says this relationship has come full circle, which it has.The Ten of Pentacles shows my father alone, with his animals, while me and my kids are behind him... soon to be a thing of the past. The card has a sadness to it. The man seems lonely, covering it up with his affection for his dogs. My mom has commented on how sad it is that my biodad has not taken advantage of his proximity to me and the kids, to get to know us more, and spend quality time with us. She lives so far away from us, and loves us so dearly, that she wishes she had the opportunity that he has wasted. She can't understand his indifference and thinks it a shame.
I assume we will still keep in touch after we move. I'm not planning to sever him from our lives intentionally. I am just acutely aware of how it will become nothing more than superficial birthday cards and the occasional email once we're gone. C'est la vie. It makes me that much more grateful for the loving family members I am lucky to have in my life.
Deck: Wizards Tarot
(by Corrine Kenner and John J. Blumen, published by Llewellyn)Runes
(by Sarah O'Brien, published by Running Press) ~ Kiki
Tarot Dame
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