Today I'm using the Ascended Masters oracle deck (a generous gift, among many, from the lovely
Celeste).
(Click on the image to enlarge the cards.) This reading was relevant in so many ways.
Let It Go (Quan Yin): I will share a quote from the book, because it's really good:
"It's time to stop struggling, pushing, or forcing things to happen. Such actions push against the universal flow and lead to frustration and blocks. When you let the situation go to Spirit, you automatically open supportive doors that will bring solutions and an outcome exceeding your expectations."That is a very welcome message for me. I especially enjoy the "outcome exceeding your expectations" part! It can be difficult to give up trying to control the outcome of things, so giving it up to Spirit is a challenge, but it can be very liberating. The struggle I have to release is within my mind. It's not that I'm trying to do too much, it's that I'm
thinking about doing too much, wondering what more I should be doing. This card suggests that I let life flow more naturally. This reminded me of the
Go With the Flow card I drew from the Nature Spirits Oracle deck earlier this week.
Go Now (Serapis Bey): I saw this card in two ways. First, as a continuation of the first card... "Let it...Go...Now", the word "go" being the bridge between the two. This card is telling me to follow the first card's advice NOW, not tomorrow. Now.
One of the book's meanings for this card was right up my alley... Move to a new location...now!
No more excuses, just do it. Two days ago, I was reading
Shell's post where I learned about Patrick Swayze's death. I thought about how short life can be. Then I heard this voice in my head,
"What are you waiting for? Do you want to continue sitting around waiting to move, or do you want to move?" I was shocked. The voice came again, asking me how much longer I intended on remaining in the waiting stage, or if I would rather just go? Of course, my limited mind answered back with excuses about not having the means. The voice didn't want to hear it. It just wanted my answer. I realized that I have been waiting, and I have been putting out "waiting" energy, keeping myself in the waiting stage. I'm not telling the universe that I want to move, I'm unintentionally telling the universe that I want the waiting.
So I need to show Life that I am ready to move, and it will be the universe's job to provide me with the means. If I show my dedication and determination to move, then life will have to part the waters to make it so. The waters haven't been parted because I've been busy sitting around waiting! So yesterday I started packing! I literally started packing stuff into boxes. (Keep in mind I'm doing this when it's a struggle just to keep enough food on the table, forget making a big move out of state!) But this voice inspired me to show the universe that I was serious about moving, and packing is exactly what I'd be doing right now if we could move, so that's where I started. I'm even being super organized about it, numbering the boxes and keeping a complete inventory of what is inside each box. I need to be as packed as can be, so that when the opportunity arrives, we are ready to go! I will, of course, leave out my kids' toys and books and clothes... things we need on a daily basis. But the things we won't need for awhile are being packed up.
Today was my second day of packing. This act alone has put me into a very different mindset. Now it
feels like we are moving, like we have somewhere to go. And according to the universal laws, that feeling place is where I need to be to attract the act of moving.
Open Your Heart to Love (Jesus): "Jesus and the other ascended masters will support you in this endeavor, ensuring that you're protected and safe as you open your heart to love." Yes, okay, okay, I get it!! If it takes
Jesus himself to finally knock me over the head with it, then I have to admit that I finally get it! So, folks, today is the day. I think it's time to give in to the idea and open myself up completely. This is something I will have to seriously meditate on today. Because the idea of being in a relationship is just so foreign to me right now. I will have to work on opening my heart to the idea. I think drawing this card is the one that really pushed me over the edge.
It occurred to me today that by limiting the love in my life to only certain types of love (the love of my kids, family and friends), I have blocked off a large part of joy in my life. The feeling of being in love doesn't just affect your romantic partnership. When you are in love, the whole world is brighter, things are funnier, and you just feel lighter. I have been missing out on those rippling effects because I have been afraid of being heartbroken again. In actuality, my biggest fear has been the potential of my children being heartbroken and disappointed. I haven't wanted to introduce anyone into their young lives that they might love, who might end up leaving, and having them feeling abandoned. I don't want a personal decision of mine to end up affecting them in a negative way.
Another thing is that I would rather be alone than have someone to fight with. I remember the tremendous relief of becoming single again, because I no longer had to argue. But I guess if it's the right person, arguing doesn't need to be a given. My mom has been married for over 15 years and she and her husband have never had an argument.
On a related topic, I had several dreams last night about my ex. The one who pretty much sealed my fate as a single woman. He single handedly ruined my desire to ever give another guy a chance. The pain he put me through is something I'd never wish on anyone. In my dreams, he was with his new wife, but I was hanging out with them, and with him alone. It was a strange indescribable dimension. There was a bit of attraction there, though a strange one (and nothing that I could ever feel for him in my waking life). In the last dream before I woke up, I asked him a question that stopped us both in our tracks. I asked him,
"Are you happy?" A simple three words, but there was weighty emphasis on the word "happy". It was so strong, so meaningful and tangible. He never answered. The question just sort of lingered there in the air while we both contemplated it.
I haven't had any contact with him for many years now. I don't know how he's doing. But I when I woke up, I had this really strong feeling that he dreamt about me last night too. I have no way of ever knowing, but intuitively, I'm pretty certain of it. Years ago, I wished him dead. Now... I sincerely hope he is happy. I know now that in order for him to have hurt me the way he did, he must have been so unhappy within himself, without even realizing it. I know now that it didn't have anything to do with me, he was just lashing out at the only person he felt he could, because with everyone else he had to put on this facade, pretending to be someone he wasn't. So if he is happy now, that is a good thing. Even though he is no longer in my life, it doesn't benefit me in any way for him to be miserable. If he is happy, the world will be a better place. So I truly hope that he is.
So anyway, maybe that dream was a way of my subconscious letting go of the hold that I have allowed his actions to have over my life. Maybe I can now be a little less jaded about the male race. While I'm not ready to jump into a relationship, at least today I can begin to open myself up fully to the mere idea of it. An insignificant step for many, but a great leap for me.
(Just as a side note on this deck, I find it a bit strange to see Jesus surrounded by a bunch of animals. It's just not the first thing that comes to mind when I imagine him. I'd maybe associate that more with St. Francis of Assisi or Noah.)
Today marks the two year anniversary of my blog! 
Yesterday I drew three cards from my 
The synchronicity of drawing the King of Cups today (
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